hello
i am a simple axolotl
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Everyone’s fucked up. You’ve just gotta decide what kinda fucked up you’re into.
(via chips-awhore) ←

ammits420friendlychillspot:

i wanna marry somebody cuter than me but sadly…i am the cutest :/

vinegod:

How to Pronounce different objects by Esa Fungtastic

weavemunchers:

Text Flirting Tip: Don’t reply immediately. Play it cool, wait for a minute, then eventually forget to reply and ruin everything

ridge:

walking past your crush like

1boo:

greencrook:

The first time someone tried to steal my bag in the subway I panicked and I broke his arm with an umbrella and since then none of my friends will let me forget about this.
If you think this was a badass moment you need to remember I’m 5 ft and my bag was a Lucky Star bag and I was crying while hitting someone much bigger than me repeatedly with a frog-shaped umbrella. 

you are my hero